Maybe that wasn't such a good idea...

Today we said goodbye to our adorable temporary foster placement.  The bubbly, happy 2 year old was in our home for almost two weeks.  Luckily, a home was found that could continue her care AND also care for her 1 year old sister.  I was lucky enough to meet the new foster mom and I am certain these little girls are in great hands.

The last two weeks have been a strong eye-opening experience.  Johnny has been in our home for just over 10 months.  It is extremely obvious to my husband and I that our little guy is NOT ready for a foster placement at this time.  I did not know this prior to the placement.  In fact, the first 2-3 days were amazing!!  As the days went on, however, a new and different Johnny showed himself.  We're talking hitting, kicking, screaming, pushing, defiance, and all kinds of behaviors that neither my husband nor I had seen before.  I was seriously worried.

Our son was suffering from major stress.  He was unhappy, he was regressing, he was very mad inside, and the two of them could not be in the same room together without an adult at close watch (and ready to help the kiddos work through a problem).  I was nervous for her, and worried about him.  This was so unexpected, yet I'm glad I am now aware of the issue.

 

I am confident that with time, and more LOVE and attachment work, we can help Johnny to be a great big brother and to be comfortable with more children in the house, but I definitely learned a lesson here.

When I play with and observe these young children who have been through so much in their early years, I am amazed at their strength, their love for all people around them, and their huge, innocent smiles.  I am honored to hold one of those children close every night.

I Think I Can, I Think I Can...

I'm not gonna lie... this has been a rough week.  A test to the patience, the heart, and the mind.  However, we're staying strong and truly enjoying our new addition to the family.

Hope everyone is having a pleasant week!

A sensory tub with dry rice and beans: great for stress relief!

Even through difficult times... gotta keep on smilin'!

Last minute trip to the pumpkin patch with just me and the kiddos proved to be a great afternoon.

+1

So sorry about the lack of posts lately-  I truly think about my blog constantly, but LIFE has taken a turn towards Busytown...  My hubby and I recieved a wonderful foster placement two days ago and we have been working hard in our home to make her feel comfortable, while making sure our Johnny is also comfy with the situation.  Things are very much in the air right now with our new little one, but she is doing great and I think really enjoying her time here.

Anywhoo... please forgive my sporadic style and know that I will have much more to say once my  mommy schedule is back in place!!  :)

The Potty Pirate!

I believe The Potty Pirate may be showing up to my house in the next couple of weeks...

Check this out!!! Had to post about it!

We'll see how this pans out... stay tuned for a report!

Potty trained or not... I am in love  :)

Adventures in Babysitter Hunting

So, after having Johnny in our home for almost 10 months now, Terry and I are feeling like a babysitter is a great idea. Also many adult activities have come up in our near future.

So, why does getting a babysitter stress me out?

I had babysitters as a child, heck! I WAS a babysitter! I was a GREAT babysitter.

I know a few things about my relationship with Johnny and my "mama bear" attitude around him...
1.  Trust issues... who is this new person in my home and do I let her close to me?
2.  Abandonment issues... where are my parents going, will they come back?
3.  Unpredictable behaviors... like I said, we've been lucky enough to have Johnny for 10 months, but that's ONLY 10 months! We are brand new parents! Sometimes I have no clue how he will react to things.

I want Johnny to be happy.  I DON'T want him to worry about wether we are coming back, or to imagine we would let strangers in our home to care for him. I want him to know he is loved and that we will ALWAYS return.  

What I can say with confidence however, is that Terry and I need to "date." We need to flirt, we need to talk about adult subjects, watch adult movies, and just take a break from the oh-so-different world of parenting we have recently entered.

A happy couple are happy parents, and this is the base of a happy family.

And so the hunt continues.  Do I call the couple of girls who have offered as friends? Or do we interview and find a couple sitters that are strictly babysitters- I think I could keep more of a professional attitude towards this group. Hmmmm... any thoughts?  First babysitter stories? Please share!

ME time :)

I would say, when it comes to children, I am a pretty patient person.  For the most part, I keep my cool.  However, even the greatest of parents need a break from time to time.  Small trips, date nights, a lone shopping trip... it all gives us mothers and fathers a time to clear our minds, focus on a task, and re-energize.

In our situation, we decided it was best to take the first few months of having Johnny and not enlist a sitter, not drop him off with a friend, and really, not leave his side until he knew where his home was, who Mommy and Daddy were, and that yes, we will be here when he wakes up. We will make sure he is fed, and that he is cared for.  Luckily, my husband is great with kids, luckily he fell just as much in love with Johnny as I did, and luckily he knows when I need a break.  To this day we have not called for a sitter unless it's a close friend or family member that Johnny knows well.  It has been imperative that Terry and I read each other's signals and that we communicate clearly. So we can act when the other is ready for some alone time.

Taking a breather on the beach cleanses the soul

In my alone time, I like to take time to sit here at the computer and catch up with friends, check on all my pages (including this one... thank's for reading!!)  and of course shop  :).  I also love to get out of the house on my own (it's so weird to drive with no one in that car seat back there!!).  Thrift shops, the gym, grocery stores, and local attractions are all places that give me refuge when I am in need of some "Brandi time."

Anyway, the point is, don't feel bad if you need a break.  The best parents know when to step out and take a deep breath.  In the long run, it's extremely beneficial for the kiddos if we just take this time and can return to them brand new and re-energized.  In my case, ready to "fly" through the house, build a tall, tall tower with the blocks, draw a picture of the family, create art out of snack food, and sit and calmly cuddle for a fun movie with popcorn.

Taking breaks makes "the little things" more fun  :)
(Watermelon cut-outs)

Adoption Day

Terry and I woke up this morning with smiles on our faces.  It felt like Christmas.  No, even better, like it was my wedding day.  Today we walked hand-in-hand into the Courthouse.  Today we signed papers in front of a judge.  Today we adopted our son.

This is such an unexplainable feeling.  My husband and I are so madly in love with this little boy, and my heart is overjoyed at the thought of him being in our lives forever.

Part of our celebration today included a trip to the beach :)

As our State Adoptions Case Worker told me, 

this event is as close as some infertile women get to a birth.  He is our little guy... forever.    

Moments of Connection

Let's face it.  Parenthood is never as easy as you picture in your mind.  Many people picture trips to the park, laughter and hugs, that sweet, sleeping child.  It isn't all roses!!! Luckily before becoming a parent, I had lots of time and training and was told "what to expect" when bringing a foster child into my home.   Still, I am constantly caught off guard, as are most new parents.  Granted, my situation and experiences may be a bit different than those of a purely "biological" family, but I am certain there are many parallels.

Before Johnny came to us, I was certain I had what it takes to have a constantly pleasant household.  It's so great that I had that level of confidence in myself, but frankly, it's not possible.  There  are days when I say "Wow, I must be a horrible parent." There have been tears, time outs, and tantrums (from both parents and child LOL).  It's interesting how parenting really expands your mind and forces you to think harder and be stronger than ever... especially when you jump in to parenting with a 2 year old  ;).  

And then there are those moments that erase all of the stress.  All of the worries, the frustration, and the arguments just disappear when my child and I have a "moment of connection."  One of those times where I cannot take my tearful eyes off of my child.  I  feel so incredibly lucky and thankful for this gift. I documented our latest connection in the photos below.  Johnny and I went on a recent hike in the Arcata Community Forest and played at Redwood Park.  He and I had a blast and bonded more over a mutual love for the outdoors.

It is my goal to create more of these strong connections with my family.

"Go this way?"

Banana Slugs are fascinating!

These fallen pieces of tree are pieces of the "Chicka Chicka Boom Boom tree" (Johnny's favorite story!)

We arrived at the park... gorgeous day!!!

      

      

Lefty in the House!!!

As you may know, we are so lucky to be very close to finalizing our adoption.  Johnny came to us back in December 2010 and it has been such a thrilling ride to bond with him and become "Mommy" and "Daddy."  There have been many life changes in the past 7 months and Terry (my husband) and I have learned so much. There is one thing that has been difficult for me to get used to.  Our little guy is left handed (we're pretty sure).  Being a "righty," I have always been unaware of the challenges that left-handed people face.  Now, I think twice before I place Johnny's silverware on his plate, I have special scissors for him, and I place his crayons and markers on his left side where he can reach them.  Additionally, if he becomes upset and frustrated over a task that he's having trouble accomplishing, I'll often check his hands to see if maybe a quick switch would make things easier.  Often times, that method proves to be successful.

As a side note, I will never be caught placing something into Johnny's left hand.  It is up to him to choose which hand he is comfortable swinging a bat with, coloring with, and eating with.  A simple suggestion can get us past a frustrating time, but I want him to figure it out.  Recently I spoke to two women who mentioned they were hit with rulers when using their left hands in school.  I'm glad things have changed since then!!

"Clouds and Rain"  One of Johnny's many masterpieces

Hello World!

It's funny how our life experiences shape who we are.  I feel very proud to be a devoted wife, and not until quite recently... a fost/adopt mom.  I "grew" up in an amazing family (when do we stop growing up, really?).  My parents modeled the traits and tricks needed to create a lasting relationship and a loving family.  My brothers and I share a bond stronger than anything.  In short, I feel very lucky.

One of the most amazing traits I inherited from my mother is her love and devotion to children.  Not only to my brothers and I, but to the thousands of children she has had in her elementary school classrooms.  Through staying after school and going in on weekends, working closely with parents who speak not one word of english, and even teaching other teachers how to be great teachers, she has taught me not to give up, that every child has worth, and that life isn't easy, but with hard work with children, you can literally SEE results.  She may also be cringing at the length of that last sentence LOL!

Check out this link... 5 years old, but the same words I speak today!

 Getting lost on the Lost Coast :)

Welcome to my blog.  I hope to share with you my experiences as a foster mother working hard to adopt a beautiful gift named Johnny, a Coastie wife, traveling the country with my best bud, and the fun and exciting adventures we get into as a family.  Also included, will be reviews, rants, and raves on many topics in Child Development, and super fun activities to do with kiddos.  I welcome comments and subscriptions and I hope to spread the love that my mom instilled in me  :)

Thank a TEACHER!!!